Overcoming My Fear of Childbirth

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I became filled with an intense fear of giving birth. I’d heard all my life that giving birth is the most painful thing in existence. How in the world was I, someone with a low pain tolerance, going to survive this?

I’ve always been an avid googler, but that’s really the worst place in the world to search for answers when you’re pregnant. I was constantly worried about every little thing during my pregnancy, and seeing “you’re probably dying, and so is your baby” on every chat site and article that popped up on Google was NOT helping. With all the stress piling up (and my husband banning me from looking at Google) I knew I had to try something else.

Through trial and error, I found three things that really helped calm me down and prepare me for the inevitable.


The first thing that gave me a hint as to what I could expect was YouTube. I watched everything from informational videos to personal stories to documentaries. Some made things worse for me, like the testimonials from women who had “the birth from Hell.” Others, like videos of live, natural births surprisingly helped. 

The video that helped me the most was a documentary called, "Is There Ever a Right Time to Have a Baby?" Everyone is calmed by different things, like how I found live birth videos helpful while they freaked out the reporter in this documentary, Cherry Healey. That’s why I think this video is a useful resource for anyone, since it has so many different women and points of view in it.


The second thing that gave me courage about my birth was talking to the women in my life who’d already gone through it. I asked my mom how her pregnancies and births were for some idea of what could happen to me.

Luckily for me, my mother was blessed with quick, relatively painless births. Both times she could barely feel her contractions before her water broke, and she didn’t even know she’d gone into labor with my sister until they told her she was actively in it during a routine check up. When she gave birth to me, she said I slid out like I was a buttered-up turkey on a slip ‘n slide, and that pregnancy was definitely not the worst pain she’d ever felt. 

This made me actually start to think about my ideal birth. Before, I’d just been trying to calm myself down from the rising panic of knowing I had to somehow shove a lamb-sized human being through my hoo-hah. Now, after hearing that it was possible to have an easy birth, I began to have fun imagining what my perfect delivery would look like.


Which brings me to the third thing, which actually calmed my fears the most and even made everything fun: manifesting my ideal birth. Seeing my manifestations become reality was one of the most magical parts of my experience.

My husband and I love betting, so we made bets on what day our daughter would pop out. From the very beginning of my pregnancy, I decided that I wanted her to be born right on her due date, October 2nd. Everyone said I’d regret that and want her to be early when we got to the final stretch, and of course they were right, but I stuck to my guns and kept insisting she would be born in October. 

To my luck, not only did my labor start at 12:01 am on October 2nd, my sister Nova, who lives in California, was able to catch an early flight to Utah without booking in advance. She walked into the hospital room and the nurse looked at her and said, “Are you the sister?” Nova replied yes and the nurse said, “We’ve been waiting for you. Grab a leg, it’s time to push.” It was the most amazing, painful experience of my life and it was exactly what I wanted.


If you’re as scared as I was in the beginning of my pregnancy, try to find what helps you relax.

  • Do you need to know every possible thing that could happen during your labor?
  • Do you need to ignore it all and pretend it’s not going to happen?
  • Do you need to see it happening, whether in videos or real life?

Manifesting and preparing for your ideal birth really helps to keep you focused on the positive and as they say, what you think about, you bring about!

Everyone needs different things, but I think one thing that we all have in common is that we feel better when we talk to someone. Ask the mothers you know what their experience with birth was like. But don’t stress out too much. 

Remember, people have been giving birth for thousands of years. You’ll be able to do it too!

Madison Wilker
Blogger, Mommy, Wife
Searching for Balance
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